I have so much to be thankful for, but it's been under a pile of academic words, church busy-ness, and a lack of time with my husband. On that latter note, nothing drains my spirit like long weeks of barely speaking to each other. It's the consequence of chronic activities, a combo of Lenten practicalities and spiritual battles. Funny how just when we are called to quiet ourselves, to focus inward, to seek silence and let God show us the gap between the mark and our energies, that's just when we are tested. This is logosmoi, according to the Church Fathers, and my sister Lydia gave them a great moniker too: Anger Bats.
So, it has been a showdown. Anger bats V Beauty for Ashes.
On one side, massive academic papers, oil leaks, service-styles, raising teens, leaky basements, leaky roofs, peanuts, broken pelvis, cancer, death and miscarriage, sudden and chronic health problems, plus a lack of time to be "present" for those people, my kids, my husband, our families. No, a lot of these are not my issues. It's just as a priest's wife with a certain disposition, I am trying so hard to carry these in prayer. The alternative is to be depressed, angry, worrisome, et al.
On the other side, a son who is going through a "give-mom-a-back-rub" phase. Nice.
Three weeks of running, speed back up and adding up distance has been my recent coup de etat! My daughter noticed that I'm much more cheerful when I have had my daily 8-10 miles. Eat your miles, Momma.
The finish line on this school year is about here.
I get a date with my husband tonight.
I get two new goddaughters on Lazarus Saturday. Godchildren are my one weakness! (To paraphrase from a favorite show, Larklight to Candleford.)
I might sit down and do pysanky this year.
I might repair the damage to my grandmother's spirits and her manuscript.
I have been reading Sayings of the Deserts Fathers, Proverbs, Isaiah, Genesis, some Marilynne Robinson and the newest book in the No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency and the wisdom is humbling in and of itself.
Great Lent is almost over, and Fr. Thomas' Hopko's piece on AF Radio, about moving towards the light of Christ's redemptive rescue was a wonderful reminder to me. You can hear it here: http://audio.ancientfaith.com/hopko/stt_2013-04-09.mp3